


What If It’s Not Just My Heart That’s Unruly

by sad_gay_and_lonely



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Nonbinary Character, Other, Out of Character, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, only a little tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_gay_and_lonely/pseuds/sad_gay_and_lonely
Summary: Alyssa is questioning their gender and Emma provides emotional support and cuddles :)
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 29





	What If It’s Not Just My Heart That’s Unruly

**Author's Note:**

> TW: I mention gender dysphoria and stuff like that  
> Everyone's experience with gender is different and there is not one way to be non binary. I wrote this because I have questioned my gender and it's still something that I haven't quite wrapped my head around. Alyssa's breif explanation of what she's feeling is pretty much a very watered down version of the things I've felt. Anyway, this is just a very long way of saying that I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's experience or make it seem like there's one way to be non binary. 
> 
> Also this is so out of character, I apologize in advance

Emma rolled over on her bed to look at her buzzing phone. She grabbed the device and turned it on, flinching away from the bright light. 

**From ‘alyssa <3’ (11:49 pm)**

**can i come over????**

Well that was worrying. Usually Emma was the one to sneak into Alyssa’s moms house and even that didn’t happen often. Neither of them ever really got into the ‘rebellious teen’ phase. Unless you count being very gay. 

_ From ‘em’ (11:50 pm) _

_ yeah, of course _

_ everything okay?? _

**From ‘alyssa <3’ (11:52 pm)**

**on my way**

**i’ll explain there**

Emma was completely terrified now. She threw her blanket off herself and bolted out of her room while still trying to be as quiet as possible. Her grandma probably wouldn’t mind her being up, but Emma still didn’t want to wake her up for no reason. 

It only takes about five minutes to walk to Emma’s house from Alyssa’s own so Emma decided to wait by the front door so she could let her girlfriend in as soon as possible. She started biting her nails out of both boredom and nerves. 

Emma’s phone buzzed. 

**From ‘alyssa <3’ (12:01 am)**

**im here :)**

Emma opened the door and saw Alyssa. Their face was slightly red from the cold and she looked like she had been crying. Alyssa was in her pajamas and a heavy coat. 

Emma held the door open for her and as soon as Alyssa was inside, Emma wrapped them in a tight hug. After a few minutes the blonde lessened her grip so Alyssa could slip out of it. 

“Think we could go up to your room?” Alyssa asked, their voice sounding slightly congested from crying. 

Emma nodded and took Alyssa’s hand so she could lead them up the stairs. Once they arrived the couple sat on Emma’s bed in silence, Emma’s arm wrapped around Alyssa’s shoulders. 

After a while Emma spoke. “Wanna talk about it?”

Alyssa nodded and took a deep breath. “Y-you’ll love me no matter what right?” Their voice sounded so small and broken. 

Emma startled at the question and at Alyssa’s tone. Emma grabbed her girlfriend’s hand and squeezed tightly. “Always. Even if you murdered someone.” Alyssa let out a small, strained laugh but didn’t respond other than that. “Wait, did you?” Emma asked in a mock serious tone. She knew Alyssa appreciated it when she tried to lighten the mood. 

A small smile graced Alyssa’s lips. “No, I didn’t kill anyone”, they said with an amused eye-roll. Alyssa took another breath and Emma tried to be serious again. Whatever was going on was probably going to be revealed shortly. “I-uh- well it’s just that I don’t know if I’m a girl?” they said. 

Emma nodded encouragingly and Alyssa continued. “It’s just. I hate it when people call me ‘she’ and I hate that I look s-so feminie and I think I might be non-binary, but I really don’t know what’s going on. Not to mention I-I didn’t know if you would still love me if I wasn’t a girl a-and my mom barely handled it when I came out as gay, h-how would she react to this? Terribly, probably. I mean what is she disowns me o-or” Emma cut them off by gently placing her lips over Alyssa’s. By the end of their rant, Alyssa’s face was covered in new tears and their breaths had become rapid and sharp.

“Alyssa, I fell in love with  _ you _ , not your gender. You're still the person I love regardless of anything else. I promise I’ll still love you no matter what.” Alyssa had a loving smile on their face along with some new tears that Emma gently wiped off with the pad of her thumb. “Even if your mom reacts badly, we can handle it.” Emma got an idea. “Here, pinky promise.” Alyssa looked at Emma and amusedly linked their pinky with their girlfriends. 

Alyssa let out a relieved laugh and ducked their head slightly. They looked back up to Emma’s eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Emma pulled Alyssa to lay on the bed so the dark haired person was lying their head in the crook of Emma’s neck. 

“Would you mind using they/them pronouns for me?” Alyssa asked, their voice slightly muffled, due to the fact they were pressed into their girlfriend. 

“Absolutely not. And if I did you should run me over with my pick-up truck.” Emma paused then gasped “I could call you my joy-friend!”

Alyssa laughed. “You’re such an idiot.”

“I’m your idiot though” Emma responded.

Alyssa hummed and the couple drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Look, you made it, congrats!! I'm working on another fic with this pairing and I'm not great with their characters, so if you know of any good emma/alyssa fic PLEASE LET ME KNOW,, also I'm just a slut for this pairing and would love fic recs lol. 
> 
> Shameless Self Promo: my insta is @sad_gay_and_lonely_fanfic
> 
> leave kudos, comment, or bookmark if you feel like it
> 
> REMEMBER: HYDRATE, EAT SOME FOOD, AND TAKE YOUR MEDS IF YOU HAVE THEM


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